You ever have that friend that’s stupid optimistic? So optimistic you think they’re a bit nuts, actually? So positive that it’s past “almost annoying” and it’s … “so annoying you can’t even hear it” sometimes. You might not even tell that person what problem you have going on, because, no matter what the word combination is, they are going to tell you that “everything is going to be ok”. And sometimes you just don’t wanna hear it.
You ever see ‘em lose it? The bubbling optimist? Lol. It’s like a scene from an 80’s sitcom. Arms flailing and probably saying something like “fine! You win! Everything sucks!” It’s funny because you can’t help but watching it and thinking… see… no one can be THAT positive THAT often. You watch with entertainment as the character unravels… becomes human … becomes more full of doubt. Like us.
Betty White, God rest her soul, was kinda like this… always optimistic.
Well, that’s me. I’m that annoyingly optimistic friend. I’m the one everyone thinks it nuts because HOPE somehow still sprouts outta my ass even when it shouldn’t. Oh, you didn’t think I’m self aware enough to know how annoying I sound half the time? Lol. I do.
It’s not new.
I’ve always been the crazy one trying to get sane people to believe in something MORE. Always been the atypical outta place nut job … Not ONE person on my staff believed me when I told them, in 2006, that “social media was the next best way to promote businesses”. They all complained when I made the all start a Twitter account to promote our nightclub, Le Passage. Long story short… social media became the “next best way to promote businesses”. A lot of people made a lot of money as we honed that craft and laid the groundwork for nightclub promotions across the country.
Imagine going from “that guy”. That guy that has the world by the horns… that guy travels to El Salvador on mission trips, works at his church for dimes on the dollar compared to his old career, serves more than he is clocked in, “God loves you” this… “you are not alone” that… to the person you are gonna hear in this recording from last night… New Years Eve. Actually it was about 4am. Four hours into 2022. I can’t tell you if it was the Covid or the pain that kept me up… but I couldn’t sleep. Yeah. We wrestled with Covid for the last week of the worst year I’ve ever had. That WE’ve ever had. As a family.
A fitting end… lol
I picked up my phone to share with YOU how I talk to God when I’m just… exhausted and tender. About mid-way I felt an urge to do a “repeat after me” part. That part is for you, too .. if you want it. A prayer for this coming year.
I’m not going to listen to it before I post it… I have SO much anxiety building with just the thought of SHAREing this voice note. I know that if I listened to it, I’d change my mind. Probably.
If you think you are gonna hear the forever optimist lose his shit… well… kinda… kinda not.
If you’ve ever thought “I don’t really know how to talk to God” listen to this…
All I ask of anyone who listens is that you receive it as sacred space. It doesn’t have to be YOUR sacred space… but this IS mine. This IS my intimacy.
I been askin God over and over “what do I do next?” And all He’ll say back is:
So…. Here we go:
*If you are a reader and you read this far, you can skip to time stamp 6:10 to skip to the prayer.*