“God we got 9 minutes…
let’s get into it 💪🏽😤💪🏽”
So I’m sitting here on the corner of the streets that intersect at my kids school. To be exact, I’m laying on a bench. Hannah had a game tonight. I wasn’t feeling good at all, today. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… none of it. Having one of those “any time now, God” kinda days. One of those days that makes non-believers look at you and say “see… you do all that believin but you still suffer a lot. That’s why I don’t mess with faith. Look! He’s pissed at God!!”.
To that sentiment, I say, leave me alone… I’m just over here talkin with my Dad. Sometimes it ain’t pretty. But don’t get it twisted… I’m still talkin to the only one that can help.
I think I arrived at the school on my last few fumes in my tank. I got here and I had about 9 minutes til I figured Hannah’s team would be taking the court. I could have rushed in and gotten a seat… coulda gotten the friggin stairs outta the way. Me and those narrow stairs leading up to the 3rd floor where the gym is, have a beef goin. For the last 3 years … it’s been me vs those damn stairs. But I didn’t wanna go inside on Empty.
So I sat down. On the steps of her school and I prayed. I needed a fill up. So I prayed. it wasn’t pretty at first, either. More in that later in… but, after a little of me and God tussling, a scripture came to mind.
Next thing… I feel promoted to play this song.
(Lol. Yeah. I names Hannah’s AirPods “Joel’s daughter is a badass” hahaha… I forgot I did that. But I want her to get the subliminal reminders. It’s needed. At this age and every age.
Anyway… I could feel the stress fall off in those 9 minutes. It was a lil shot in the spirit … and I needed it. I wanted to be present for Hannah and her game and taking a moment … taking a deep breath … and pouring in a little Good News helped me shift into presence.
Hannah is nursing a high ankle sprain that she got in a game last week. She was visibly hurtin and that was tough to watch. I could tell she was pushin through it… she made some great plays. The kid is a natural at volleyball. She just instinctively knows what to do most times. It’s fun to watch, even though she was off for the game tonight. I also could tell that something was going on inside her heart, though. It wasn’t the first time I knew something’s been going on with her this past weekend.
The few times I checked in with her to see how she was doing over the weekend, she told me that she was sad. I didn’t get many more details. I didn’t push or pry. I just had to give her some space. That’s a tough mission for a parent who cares… lemme tell ya. You wanna know what’s going on with your kid when they are sad but as they get older, you have to back off a bit. You have to move the “catch me daddy” hands a little bit outta range for if she falls.
It’s not as simple as it used to be. She used to get to the edge of the pool and make sure that I was paying attention before she jumped, “catch me daddy!!” I had a heads up. I was requested. Without me, the fall would have been dangerous for her. Fast forward a decade and the best thing I can do for Hannah some days is to remind her that I’m close… but give her some distance. Oh, trust me… I wanted to know what the heck was going on… but I just had to let her know that if she wanted to talk, I’d be close.
They lost the game in the 3rd set. Rough game for the team. Rough game for Hannah. Her injury definitely affected her gameplay. Her mental state definitely affected her gameplay.
After the game ends, she asks me if I can head home without her and she could catch the bus home. She said “I just need to talk it out with someone dad. Really important.” I couldn’t let her catch the bus home in the dark… especially since I was there and could get her home with me safe. I told her … “I get it. You need to talk. But you can either FaceTime them when you get home safe, or I can wait. I’ll go sit in my bench and let you talk it out. But I’m not leaving without you.” She agreed. I texted her to take her time. And I waited. I’m sitting here right now… waiting for my kid to get her communication on.
You know? This is the part that I wanted to talk to y’all about. Sooo many times I’d just rush and be like “no kid. We gotta go home. Call them. Or y’all live on FaceTime … FaceTime them!” I mean… realistically it hurts to not be horizontal most days… so my pain could have been built up… especially after sitting on the wooden benches in the gym, people without sciatica leave the bleachers with a sore butt. Lol. Maybe it’s physical, maybe it’s work, maybe it’s money, maybe it’s a coworker that just wouldn’t shut up at work and we show up to support our kids and we’re on empty.
<<And there’s the message. There’s the reason this piece kept calling me back to finish. Lol. Thank You God. Hahaha!!!>>
I just started writing this… because I didn’t know what the message was gonna be, I could tell that the spirit said “if you’ll start writing it, I’ll connect the dots and fill in the blanks.”
The only reason we had a different and better interaction when Hannah wanting to catch the bus to talk it out with a friend, was that break… right before I went into the game. I had tears about to burst from my eyes as I got there. My heart has hurt so much for Diana. I had just had another really irrationally difficult day. I’m just exhausted on every level.
I look at the time in my phone. 5:21 pm central standard time. “God we got 9 minutes… let’s get into it 💪🏽😤💪🏽”Your word says “‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”
Jer 33:3 NIV
I had an unsearchable thing I was baffled by God…and I need to know what’s the word, Lord of all Lords…
How the heck You let cashapp stop working for doing instant transfers today, God? At the exact time I needed to see if I could make it to Hannah’s game. Like. C’mon man… I’m out here proclaiming my faith & takin these steps that are the actions BEHIND the faith and I’m just not able to fix it… and You gon let cashapp go down for the exact hour I need it? I know. Petty, right? Lol. But it’s honest!
As I was bitchin and moaning to God… about things He already knows about AND He’s already seen me through…
As. I. Was. Bitchin.
I feel Him suggest somethin: Look up the scripture you learned 5/6 years ago. Remember? The Wi-Fi password for that Cafe in West-loop. Nohea Cafe. 4110 was the password. Log in name: Isaiah
Isaiah 41:10 —-> “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10 NIV Joel. Chill. I got this and I’m RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. Don’t trip. I am your God. Not only at I gonna handle it… I’m gonna make you stronger while I’m here. (This is how I hear this scripture. This is how it makes me feel. Strong. Relatable. Personally FOR me.)
The next prompt was to play Wait on You ft. Dante Bowe. That’s my jam. Normally I play it when I’m the most discouraged with God’s plan because in the moment, it all seems so heavy. The pieces are all so confusing to say out loud… When I’m overwhelmed.. it’s a great song for my heart because when you are “waiting” you are still hoping. It’s in the moments where you feel like you don’t have enough hope to wait that get you into really dark and difficult places. (If you find yourself in one of those places today, please shoot me an email or a discord message. Something. I’ll stand with you in the darkness and I’ll bring a lamp they doesn’t hurt your eyes. We’ll find help together. Promise.)
And yeah… I get mad at my Daddy. Like. Pissed at my Father. Every kid gets upset with their parents. It’s normal. Every kid thinks they know better than their parent. Every kid bitches about it.
Point is… I’m talking to Him about it. And I say it out loud in prayer and as I’m confession my distaste for His grand plan… I can hear how stupid I sound. My spirit pointed out the hubris of the words and in me stomping my feet to a creator that made every interwoven pattern in the back of a butterfly wing and is so powerful it said 4 words and LIGHT became a thing... How easily I forget and I’m sorry God. Thank you so much for the reminder with that scripture and the song. You reminded me of how good You are and have always been. #SpiritualSnack
Yo… and to think … that same day, I was pouting so bad, I didn’t even feel like askin Him nothin. Lol. I’m blessed to have been able to have a few minutes to fall into a time of reset and I got to have a good lil spiritual snack.
Fast forward to after the game and after her talk: My kid came outta school about an hour after I had walked around that corner and laid on a bench and resisted watching a stream or doom scrolling. She came out after I got about 2 solid pages into this piece. Long enough for me to know that it was going to be a truthful, vulnerable and intriguing lesson for me to learn, also.
We gotta reclaim some of our time by getting in a spiritual snack more often. We gotta fill up. We gotta stop and see what God’s gotta say. It might even start with a “how could you allow this, God” kind of posture. Or a confused posture. Or a posture of grief or broken-heartedness. But all I suggest is …get there. Go. Go talk to your Father.
Don’t be callin Him outta His name, or anything like that. Because imagine someone came at YOU like that… js🤷🏽♂️ I think a popular one I see in movies is “I don’t know if You’re out there… or if You’re even listening.” Try that opening line. I bet he looooves that one! Lol. Jkjk
But seriously. He said ‘Call to Me and I will answer’ soooo that’s between you and Him. But that’s His promise to answer. Just don’t miss it or be too closed off to catch it. That would be big sad. Yes… He could appear to you scruffy up your hair and say “hey, it’s Me God” and float back to Heaven in front of your eyes. He could. But, It could be plain as day and some of us will still decide not to believe in Him. I think like any parent, He knows the parlor tricks are just for the birthday parties and family gathering. But the hard parts of doing life….The parts that aren’t told or talked about… The places where shame and hurt live… you can talk to yo daddy respectfully but angrily. You can cry to Him. I keep thinkin He’s gonna be like “Joel… I already told you this like 👏🏽 6 👏🏽times…😤” But He doesn’t. He’s gentle when I need it. Firm when I need it. Like any good dad.
Hannah came around the corner, “I am so, sorry, Dad. Oh my goodness. I’m so so sorry. Are you ok??”
Me: yeah
Her: yeah? Really?
Me. Yeah babe. You said you needed to communicate with someone face to face and it was seemed important to you. So, I got you. And we’ll go home safe together.
Her: I really appreciate that, dad. I do
That feeling. Hearing her say that. Felt so good. Truly. I’m really hard on myself but the authenticity in her voice let me feel how real it was. 🥰 it’s like this parent swoon we get to experience every once in a blue moon with teenagers. Lol.
After we got home. From the game. Hannah just talked and talked and shared and shared. I got caught up on the whole weekend worth of the life events of Hannah Marie. I found out who she talked to.. why… recapped the history.. heard her tell me that “all so-n-so does is talk shit about people and it sucks” (not supposed to be proud… but kinda proud of how the used the S word used in perfect context. Her delivery was on point and somehow respectful, still. I mean … shit talkers are tough to deal with and it’s a big problem in her generation. Sometimes they even make our adult life feel like we’re back in high school…. So she’s not wrong.)
But we talked for a solid hour. Then off and on through the short time she was up. The convo even spilled into the next day where, because of what she shared, I got to text her a couple scriptures about what came up while we talked.
I mean… a LOT of good came from taking that 9 minutes.
An old friend posted this on Instagram and it felt like a perfect affirmation for this story.
I mean… things that any of us go through are going to leave a mark on our kids and our relationships around us. But I bet a lot of you never thought about that with your kids, or even about our youth. We can make it our GOAL to set these kids up with better than a lot of us grew up.
Handling our shit… is one of the best ways not to pass on our shit to our kids. And I know I’m the one that needed the spiritual snack in that moment… I can see the commercial now.. 📺 An over dramatically dirty and dingy man enters the scene fussin and screaming at God. Gets handed a snickers bar but it says “Prayer” on one wrapper and “Praise” on another wrapper and a stop clock counting backwards starting at 9:00. Then a boxing fight bell rings!
“Prayer Really Satisfies” (sung the same way as the Snickers a really Satisfies you” song goes) flashes across the cheesy screen. Just then, cut scene to me acting like a normal glowing human trying to catch their kid’s volleyball game and relate to his kid to maintain a healthy connection with her. The snack literally fed us both. And for a day. Maybe the story will even bless someone else. Maybe someone else that’s even reading this. Maybe someone will open up a little more space for themselves and their kid to communicate. I know I’ll try to look for places that I’m rushed or frustrated and taking it out on my kid… or just not being present for her… I’ll be looking for more opportunities to have a snack. 🤷🏽♂️ I will! It’s the only snack food I know that can make you healthier and healthier! Lol
By the way, I may mention parenting a lot because I’m a parent and some of these situations are revealed in that relationship of mine. But the good news about the Good News, is that it applies to everything. My relationship with God, now, is more like that of a child and his Dad. So, I tend to find a lot of relationship clarity for ME was when I realized that God was the Father I always needed in my life. So … lots of transferable parenting references and experienced. this is all for everyone.
I just don’t want to alienate anyone who may not specifically hear their singleness honored, or their loss honored. I just pray for us all to know that no matter what, our Dad loves us. And He’s never far. And He wants what’s best for you. And the people that you care about around you, too.
Thanks for SHAREing on this adventure with me.
Joel
Thank you for being on this journey with me… it truly means the world to me.
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“God we got 9 minutes… let’s get into it 💪🏽😤💪🏽”