BobTom
I haven’t really had the strength to write this yet. But I just got a gust of “write it now” wind… so I’m stopping a text conversation mid-sentence to rush over here and write this piece about my friend, who I miss, and his dear wife, that I have come to love, as much as I love him.
Here’s the story about how I met my friend, and Diana.
Pre-Covid. I hadn’t gotten hurt yet, so I was 6’5” 275, strong, agile, moved around a lot. “Lifted heavy things”. (Lol. This is all I used to say.) Had a pretty physical job in the church and I started a small group at church that was a men’s group that had different odd jobs around the church. I’m a guy… soooooo I know that if you want guys to gather, they need to have a mission. Lol. Our mission each week was to set-up, tear down or flip some space in the church. Afterwards, we’d have some food together and chop it up about the Bible in some way. It was a pretty fun small group and to be honest, that’s getting added to my personal physical goal sheet. We had some great connections in that space. I met a lot of cool people in that season.
One of em was this dude that Christi, our Care Pastor, asked me to show around, on one of my Men’s Group Nights. It was on Monday nights. Christi had the Grief group therapy session that she lead on the other side of the building. She told me of an older couple that were in the way and that were kinda new to SCC. The wife was going to be helping with the grief group. The husband had told Christi that it’s fine if we needed our toilets cleaned… he would just go around and clean all the toilets while he waited for his wife to finish serving. He just wanted to be useful while he was there. Christi related that message to me… I remember thinking… “that’s friggin awesome. This old dude wants to clean the toilets of the local church. How humble is that?”
That right there. That last line. That’s my first thought of this man. Hadn’t even met him yet.
I did meet him just a few mins after that. Quiet dude. Kinda reserved. But in a “kind” way. I told him that he’s coming to hang with me for the night. “If you hate it… you never have to hang out with me again.” Lol. He laughed.
Christi says: “and Joel, this is his wife, Diana.” I turned to her and told her “I’m a hugger. Is that cool?” And I gave her a big hug. Welcomed her to the church. Thanked her for serving in grief group with Christi and I think the moment happened pretty fast. it felt like I met a woman of God. Someone with deep feelings and empathetic towards all… much less those who were in pain. (More about this story in a different piece).
I’m terrible with names y’all. I am. I hate that I am, but I am. I’ve never forgotten a face, but names seem to escape me more that I like.
“(Internally) Diana’s husband’s name is Bob. Yeah. Bob. That’s what I heard. (Audibly) Hey guys! Meet Bob. This guy wanted to clean the toilets instead of hand out with us.” Lol. We all had a quick laugh and then we were all brothers.
From the Love Works side of the church, I got a reminder that there was a mission trip leaving that week. And they were having their last “send off” meeting. I jumped at the chance to go down there and pray for them. But I wanted all my friends there too! So my Mens group went down there to pray for em. But then somehow I taught the message that I had preached the day before in my kids middle school sunday class.
Honestly… I know it went great. But the part I remember the clearest was “Bob” sitting to my left in a chair. I was kinda perched on a stool because of course “professor joel” had to use the dry erase board…. And I remember feeling like “that dude gets it.” I remember it feeling like he supported me. Even though he didn’t know me.
After we wrapped up and gave all the missionaries a plethora of hi-fives and prayed for safe travels, we went back up stairs to flip the auditorium. I’m not gonna lie… I kept my eye on the old guy. I had to see what he’s got. I noticed that he was Strong. Able. Wise. He knew what he could do and he pushed that limit even a little more. He contributed as much or more and any guy there. And he was like, 74. I think.
“Hey Bob! Now it’s time to eat!”
After we worked, we broke bread together, while we had some topic to discuss. Sometimes we’d just do a check in. I could tell “Bob” was gonna fit in juuuuuust fine. Matter of fact, I really like hanging out with older people and older generations. People are so fascinating but older people are the MOST interesting to me. They have more time and experience on the planet… they’ve been through crazy life stuff that we haven’t even thought about. If you listen, you might learn somethin.
At the end of Small group… remember, me and “Bob” have only known each other for an hour and a half… maybe 2.
I start to walk with him back towards where, his wife, Diana was serving. I said “Bob… What’d ya think bro? You think I’m a crazy person, don’t you? You can be honest.”
He’s laughin.. and he goes “We gotta tell my wife that I hated it and had a terrible time. Go over and tell them that I don’t want to come back.” And he’s laughin his butt off… but he’s trying to control it as we get closer to Christi and Diana standing in the lobby.
I approach, prepared to deliver the bad news that “Diana was going to have to find her own way back next week because Bob doesn’t wanna come back”.
Christi: You mean Tom. Tom doesn’t wanna come back, Joel? What’d you do?
He laughed. Christi and Diana laughed. I laughed. It was clear in that moment that this was my dude and I was his dude. Only took one night.
But I’m confused…
I look over to Tom and said… “you let me call you Bob this whole night and you didn’t correct me?”
He just looked at me like “it didn’t really matter what you called me.” Remember the humbleness that I first thought about him? It was a real thing. It was always a very admirable thing that I loved about “BobTom”. He was a model for how tender Jesus can keep your spirit even as you face trials in life. The man had been through so much but he still had a great sense of humor, was still nice to everyone and he genuinely cared about the people he did life with.
Oh yeah… I told Tom that his new name was “BobTom” since he let me call him Bob all night, I figured he must like it… so I started calling him BobTom every time after. His name is BobTom in my phone right now! We laughed every damn time we saw each other and he supported me and he prayed for me, often.
I know BobTom is in a special place in heaven. He passed away this week on Monday. Nah… Heaven got blessed this Monday.
My heart breaks for Diana. All week, I’ve prayed for you. You’ve told me that you’ve read my pieces in the past… if you are reading this one, can I pray for you?
God will You send a sea of angels to land on Diana tonight. Will You comfort the mourning? Will You, be close? We couldn’t imagine the pain she feels, Lord. Do what only You can do and use us in whatever ways we can support her best. Amen.
(We’re with you Diana❤️)
BobTom, imma miss you man. Imma keep prayin with Diana. Thank you for everything. You always believed in my heart… and that has always meant so much to me. I wanna be funny and tender and tough, like you when I grown up. Aye… and now that ur an Angel and all that… kinda keep an eye on ya boy! Lol. I miss you.
💔❤️
Joel
BobTom