The killer of souls…
You know what I’ve noticed in the last few years? Probably the most poisonous of the of the “7 deadly sins” has been making a massive surge in our society for the last couple decades. It’s a pattern of thoughts that doesn’t really read as dangerously toxic, at first, either.
Envy.
The word sounds more dangerous than most people probably realize that it is. Matter of fact, I’d bet… that right now… you reading this either don’t think you have an envious bone in your body.. or you’re reading this opening and bracing for it to be uncomfortable. That’s IF you even made it past the word “envy”.
I think it’s the sleeper-cell silent killer of souls n our society today.
A couple years ago, I had to create a major disconnect between me and social media. I’ve endured a hellacious season and most days have had to just focus on making it to the next day. Sometimes, the next hour. What I started to notice was along with the mental depression and the physical pain that I was already enduring… I was starting to get resentful as I would scroll Instagram or twitter or Facebook. Resentful about what, you ask?
I bet you could probably imagine that it was because people were out enjoying life while I was confined to my room and/or bed. Nope. That wasn’t it. Was it that they were traveling the world while I struggled to put food on the table or pay my bills? Nope. I hadn’t even gotten that far yet. Was I getting jealous of the people that were in shape and crushing it in the gym? Nope. As fat as I was getting… never crossed my mind.
I was becoming envious of people walking. That’s it. Just walking. Nothing glamorous or cool. I just remembered thinking “look at them. They have no idea how good they have it!” Lol
It’s true. And guess what you can’t avoid in all the prank videos or traveling videos or all the ANYTHING videos… everyone’s walking. Normally. And I couldn’t. I am NOT a jealous person. I’m not an envious person. I can be having the worse day and see someone winning and legitimately be happy for that person.
But when my mental health was SO bad that I was catching myself thinking about people taking the mechanic of WALKING for granted… I knew I was in a bad place and I pulled back. My pain was seeping into my spirit. Matter of fact, it was doing more than “seeping in” it was choking the life out of my spirit. The only way I new how to protect myself was to starve the envy. Until it died….Kinda. It’s more like .. it went dormant. For now.
I can’t forget that it’s there though. It’s always there.
You may not be envious of seeing someone walking around but there’s SO much out there that has the potential to feed the Envy Monster.
Some people joke and say they have FOMO. Awww that’s cute. You have the Fear Of Missing Out… so you went to every party and gossiped with the girls about “all the things”. And you didn’t miss anything but you’d soul is tattered and worn out. Now you envy the people on social media who just seem to have peace all the time.
There are a shitload of people who envy me… why?? I have no frickin idea… I kinda hate BEING me most of the time. Lol. See… not I’m envying the people who have my skill sets and are just ruthless business people who can just win at life, no matter the cost of human lives they ruin in the wake of their path.
Annnnd just that fast I’m happy being me again. Lmao
But you see what I mean?? Envy. Is. Everywhere.
Some of you know that sometimes I play a computer game that is a role-play game. There are cops and bad guys and EMS and mechanics. It’s fun for me. And a great distraction (most days) from pain and reality. You know what I notice the most? Envy. People pointing to someone ELSE and catching feelings about what someone else got. All the time!
Constant comparison… is rooted in envy.
And it’s almost become a way of life for us. There’s someone you follow right this minute that you are jealous of. A pastor that can teach the Bible better than you can… a mom that “keeps it real” and somehow, even though they are supposed to be showing you the “behind the scenes” .. it STILL looks too perfect and you can’t stand it. But you stay tuned in.
You ever hear something on the news about someone and think “I KNEW IT!! I knew that guy was full of shit… no one is that perfect.” That’s envy.
Oh no? It’s not? I lost you at that point? You just “wanted the truth to come out”, huh? You just righteously wanted the record to be clear and reflect the truth about the persons integrity.
You’re right. It’s not envy. Alone. It’s envy and pride. Lol. Because who made you judge, jury and executioner, for one… but if you didn’t envy something about that person in the first place, you wouldn’t have stayed tuned. I mean.. think about it. When did you care about righteous Justice falling down on someone you didn’t even care about. Or know. Or follow?
Here’s the point. It’s everywhere. We gotta start being more careful.
Envy is what causes you to look at someone else, your same age in life, see them “crushin it in life” and then start feeling badly about where you are. Envy is the blinder to your own blessings and the telescope to what you are missing out on.
Envy is a joy thief. It’s the kid crying about his sister getting two scoops of ice cream when he only got one. Doesn’t matter that she’s 12 and he’s 4… he can’t see past what he didn’t get.
Envy breeds entitlement. I deserve … I am owed… I need xyz because according to my calculations of what everyone else got… I’m being cheated if I don’t get it.
What’s the weapon to fight it? That’s a great question.
Happiness.
If someone is happy or content… they aren’t worried about what others have. I think that’s relatively self explanatory but I’d like to push this a little further.
What if we were happy… wait for it… for OTHER a people?! 😱 What if… just what if… instead of coveting (desiring) what someone else has, little by little, we start to practice happiness for them.
I had to reprogram this in my brain before I (kinda) came back to Social Media. Instead of seeing a thousand and 46 people walking around in social media everyday, I limited my exposure to what I knew was making me weaker (social media) and I just started practicing being Happy for people around me who had a healthy walk. I started thinking things like “I wonder where they’re going? I bet his dog
Is happy that he can run that fast. If that guy pulled his DAMN PANTS up further, he could walk better.” Lol
Seriously though. I had to slowly but surely … recondition my mind to, not only identify when I was having an envious thought, but to intentionally replace it with a healthy, positive and HAPPY thought. It wasn’t over night… but if I don’t stay self aware and correct my poisonous thoughts… who’s gonna do it for me?
Envy leads to murder. Envy and murder are on the same road. They share the same lane.
Nah Joel. You’re trippin. Me being jealous that some girl had grapes in her lunch pail when all I have is sardines… doesn’t mean I want to murder her.
Indeed. But stay in that path and see where it leads you. Continue to allow yourself to to be envious and the monster will only grow. Eventually anyone who receives FAVOR over you, will only represent the FAVOR that you don’t have. Yeah… most of us would never get to the place of murder but ‘jealousy about favor’ was the reason for the first murder in the Bible. Cane killed his brother Able because Able received more favor that he received.
While we may not be murdering someone “physically”, any time we celebrate someone’s downfall or their shortcoming or their failure, it’s the same as spiritually murdering them.
But… working on your happiness… praying for their happiness… being happy FOR someone else… sets you free. Try it! Practice being happy for every single person you see online and that would (or maybe did) trigger envy in you. Practice it intentionally for 2/3 days to a week.
I bet you discover more envy in yourself than you knew was there. I bet you feel spiritually healthier and more free.
I was layin here in a lot of pain when I started to write this but I think my nerves have calmed down some. I’m going to roll over and try to get some sleep. I’m not going to edit this piece or even reread it. I apologize for any and all errors.
Thanks God, for helping me to learn more about what’s inside of me and giving me the creativity to write it and share the blessings AND the bruises. I pray that this piece is a blessing to at least one person. Even if I never know who it is.
Amen
Goodnight y’all.