“joe” pt 2
I think there are, at least, two ways that God can use pain in our lives. The one most of us can associate with is the way pain changes us and creates depth and empathy that we did not know before. There’s a perspective shift that happens involuntarily through suffering that, just being honest, is not enjoyable. We have a choice to let the pain change us for good… or not.
I think the second way God uses our pain is when we are used by Him WHILE we’re suffering. I think I started to realize it when I’d write something and someone would respond to me and say something like “your faith while going through XYZ inspires XYZ in me”. I’m not going to exaggerate here… more often than not, it flew over my head, because most of what I write or testify is something that I’m trying to express in a sort of obedience to what God is putting on my heart. So often, what comes out blesses ME… also. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true.
Also, being really really honest… because I’ve experienced so much physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain and spiritual pain… most of the time I’m kinda kickin and screaming on the inside while I’m being obedient.
Today was no different.
Y’all remember “joe”? I wrote about him a few weeks ago. When I met him a couple years ago when I started PT I kinda thought he was an asshole. Entitled. Yada yada. I wrote about how I had to make a concerted effort to be kind to him and to consistently remind myself that I am not the judge of men here in earth. I am only a vessel for the messages that God fills me with and that I GET to pass along.
A couple months ago… guess who started askin me about the Bible? The asshole. Lol. And… because I didn’t treat him like an asshole, he felt encouraged enough to begin to share his journey through the New Testament with me. Honored. Truly. Overwhelmed at how God was using me in this crazy season.
Fast forward to today and what I think is the second way God uses our pain. I go to PT today annnnd I’m just feeling awful guys. No other way to put it. The last few days have been really bad for me with pain and I’ve barely slept and yada yada. I go to PT late. “Joe” is my physical therapist. It sucks. I hate it. But I kill it at PT and I heard Joe talkin about his vacation that starts tomorrow.
Let me tell you something, personally… talking about how good God is while you’re in 8/10 level pain sucks. I wanna tell you that Bambi and Thumper pop out and cartoon butterflies flutter by and birds start singing. But they don’t. If I’m keepin it all the way 100… sometimes I don’t freakin feel like starting a conversation about God while I’m hurtin because until the light switch flipped for me in the last couple weeks… I actually thought that MAYBE someone might hear me say “God is Good” and then they’d point back at ME. And say… oh yeah? Well why has your life fallen apart then? Why does that “good God” allow you to suffer so much Joel? And I didn’t know if I had the words or the courage to hear that question.
Honestly.
Joe tells me that he’s headed to Mexico for 10 days. Tells me all about the plans. The itinerary. All of it. So I asked him… “you gonna have time to read your Bible while you are out there?” He lets me know that he’s going to read this book and that book and kinda dances around the question. He even says that he’s got the Bible app on his phone and has the ability to do a reading plan on there. But then he tells me what’s really going on… he didn’t want to bring his Bible because he didn’t wanna get it messed up. His words exactly “I love my Bible. I don’t wanna f__ it up.” His honestly made my soul shake. I love my Bible too. And if I thought I could eff it up, I wouldn’t wanna bring it either.
I hobble home.
I meet with a friend who needs to talk.
I lay down to try to get the pain to stop.
Then I’m just like “damnit God. Fine!”
I get back up. I start to look for my travel Bible but I hadn’t seen it since my last mission trip over 5 years ago. I get kinda pissed at my kid because I think she may have donated a bag of my stuff that might have had that Bible in it. I reach my hand into ONE bag. The first bag I look in. And I didn’t find the Bible I was looking for. I found one I didn’t even remember that I had. Not only was it a Nee Testament but it was small enough to fit in a back pocket.
I walk back to PT. Pain is crazy. I give Joe the mini Bible. And I hobble back home. That was an hour and 27 minutes ago and I have been in so much pain I haven’t been able to even get up and lay down.
But you know what? Joe knew the pain I was in today. Matter of fact, doesn’t matter what words I use to describe it… Joe is probably the only person I talked to today that has first hand knowledge of what it is that I go through everyday for 3 years. This simple thing… made us both kinda realize the power that God can have WHILE we’re actually going through the pain. Joe was like “you did that for me? Really? You walked all the way back here for ME Joel? You didn’t have to do that. This is perfect!! I’ll keep it on me always now. It’s the same size as my phone!”
That’s cool and all but truthfully guys… just knowing…. That if you are able to be obedient when God puts something on your heart to do EVEN when you are in pain. It’s the most fulfilling feeling I can describe to you. Because as shitty as you feel… God can still use you. As bad as the world might feel around you, knowing that God can still take you and make YOU part of someone’s salvation story… ugh. Guys… it’s enough to make your heart feel like it’s going to literally overflow.
So that’s the second way I think God uses our low points. Instead of feeling shame for it…my prayer is that God still keeps using me while I’m in a dark place. My prayer is that He keeps reminding me of how powerful it is to hear GOD IS GOOD come from the mouths of people that are almost too weak to say the words…
And all you gotta do is just answer the urge… answer the call when you can FEEL that He’s nudging you to reach out to someone. To pray for someone. To call and check on someone.
You don’t have to be killin the game for God to use you. You don’t have to be a “model Christian” for His power to be on display in Your life.
Look at me. I’m just a guy in pain that cusses too much. Lol
Love y’all. Thanks for praying for me. Please keep it up… I may not have made it to deliver that Bible if y’all hadn’t lifted me up.