Here For it…

I can’t even explain the day today. It was like you cracked my heart open and spilled it all over the place. I woke up in really bad pain and I was upset. My body hurt so bad and I slept awful and I didn’t even want to get up. I just remember saying God… I need Your help. I need You to show me what You want me to do. Show me what my job is…

I haven’t been eating before noon so I did a few things around the house to organize and clean. I waited until about noon and I had an idea to make something to post for food content. I made a low carb breakfast sandwich on the homemade pitas I made the other day. I finished making the sandwich and posted a couple pics of it… then it happened.

I sat down at my desk and I could just feel this heaviness in my heart. It was overwhelming and I couldn’t ignore it. But it wasn’t about ME. I felt like I could feel the heaviness and hurt of the world… and specifically… just so many heavy hearts of people I love. It didn’t feel like a burden on ME… it felt like so much that felt compelled to bring it all to God in intercession for so many. I don’t know why but praying for people has become like my full time job in the last couple months but today… the amount of tenderness that spilled out of me… I don’t really know how to explain it.

I posted this on Facebook:

Man. So many requests to lift up. I feel like there are so many people that are discouraged right now. Or hurting right now. People who need to feel the tender and powerful love of Jesus. Today my heart weeps for those that are feeling discarded or abandoned or overwhelmed by life and the situations that come with it. Lord be close to the broken hearted today… please. Be close to those that need to feel loved and encouraged and provided for. Remind us today, Lord that we are YOURS… that we have a Father that deeply loves us and cares so much for us. Overwhelm us today with Your power and Your spirit. Give us strength to fight the good fight and to continue on in life to where we can actually begin to encourage others. Allow our hearts and our minds to be still today God. To allow a peace that surpasses all understanding to fall on our lives Lord. Silence the doubt and the negative self talk today God. Convict us to love ourselves as much as we attempt to love others. Allow us to commit to our story the way we invest in others. Let Your Holy and pure and powerful will be done in our lives God… we promise to reinvest Your love into Your children near and far.

In Jesus Name.

Amen

When I said “my heart weeps for those who are feeling discarded or abandoned or overwhelmed by life…” I was already gone. It was like prayer took over my spirit and consumed me.

The next 5 or 6 hours… I mean… I barely remember em. The Holy Spirit just snatched me up and used me like a mouthpiece to pray over dozens .. hundreds.. thousands … millions of people. I prayed crazy huge prayers and microscopic prayers. I prayed general prayers and deeply personal prayers. Here’s the thing… I pray for the world and specific people in the world, all the time. But today was like nothing else  that Ive experienced. The level of tenderness that I could palpably feel… in my heart… as I prayed … was supernatural. That’s the only way I could explain it.

And then… while I wept and prayed and pleaded with God… I just felt Him say to send those prayers out to specific people. For 2 hours straight, I sent voice memos praying over people specifically… and I could feel everything that each of them felt as I prayed for them. Almost every single time I heard a name… hit record on the voice note with NO idea what to even pray for and 15 seconds later I specific words falling out of my mouth. In every prayer I could feel things that I needed to hear myself. In every whisper of encouragement or consolation, I could feel God saying “this is for you too”.

For hours… all I could do was cry… and pray…

I sat there… in complete awe of what was happening and as I stared blankly at my computer screen.. I get a call on Discord. I answer and it’s a friend that I haven’t heard from in a while. Because i am completely submitted to Gods Will and the way He’s compelling me to spend time in prayer, I was available to spend time with someone who just needed some time… time to talk. Time to be seen. She just needed a reminder about the goodness of God. She has some specific needs and even though I’m not in a position to do much, I was able to help her a little bit. But ten times more important than that… I was able to pray with her. Pray over her partner and her as they will become parents in the next few months. I got a chance to pray for their baby girl that’s on the way and even got a chance to pray for her boyfriend who woke up from a nap towards the end of our hour long call.

I felt her spirit go from confused, scared, hurt and desperate ….to full of life and confidence. I felt the clouds roll away for them… even if it was just for a little while… I knew that she needed to feel the sunshine on her face a little bit. She needed the reminder that I have needed in my own dark days. She needed ti know that she’s not alone. She needed to know that God hears her in her cries for Him. She needed to know that even when she doesn’t have the words to pray, that the Holy Spirit goes to the Father on her behalf. If I wasn’t sitting at my desk, in silence and meditating on the prayers that God kept giving me to pray… I would have missed her. Matter of fact… she even said… I didn’t expect you to answer. Only God.

Since then… I don’t even know what’s been going on. I barely talked to anyone today except God. My heart has been so full, it feels as if it’s bursting. I have felt deeply connected and compassionate for all of the people God keeps putting on my heart to pray for. And I just feel myself falling into prayer … for over 12 hours now.

13.5 to be exact.

I don’t feel like myself. Matter of fact, sad but true… the only time I was reminded that I was in my own body today was as I cooked dinner. I hadn’t even eaten anything all day today except that one pita breakfast sandwich. But at around 8:30, I started making myself dinner and my pain sky rocketed as I was standing and cooking. Even then… I just spent time praying about it. Commanding my pain to be obedient to my God. And I just prayed more. And spent more time with God….

I found myself just day dreaming… with God. Wandering in my mind… with God. Talking … with my Abba… my heavenly dad. Soaking in His tenderness and yet feeling the mightiness of His power.

He really does love you so much that He will spend as much time as you want, with you. You really are His number one priority. You are the most important person in the world to Him. You know that? He’s with you right now. And He’s totally in love with you. He wants to see You happy and healthy and restored. He wants to carry your burdens and your pain for you… He really does. You are not ever inconveniencing Him. He always has time for you. He loves you so much.

I wanted to write this down to capture it. I never want to forget this day because something happened today. I don’t even know what it was… but I didn’t know I had that many tears in my body. Tears of joy, of pain, of gratitude, of heartbreak, of celebration, of grief. I didn’t know that I could feel the heart of every single person like that. As if everything they felt was inside ME… as I prayed.

I don’t know what You are allowing me to be a part of, God, but I’m here for it…

I love you so much and I adore spending time in Your presence.

Joel