Hannah’s Separated Shoulder…
Nah. I’m gonna write this right now… as tears erupt from my face. This is some bullshit God…
I held it in til I was outta the room because she was devastated enough. God… seriously??? Her? No God. You couldn’t just let her have it? That win was so huge… and she did SUCH an incredible job God… she didn’t just put the team on her back.. she brought them up to help too. Not only was it the best game she’s ever had… I think that’s why it might be the best game some people have ever seen. And they fought SO SO hard… to win in over over over time… and in the last seconds of the last play… someone bumps into her accidentally… she falls awkwardly… and separated her shoulder.
Why would you let this happen to her God? She’s been working so hard. She’s been struggling so much with being on this team. Yeah. I know. I know… You have a plan. And You probably are teaching her lessons bigger than I could ever comprehend God… but that’s the thing!!! I can’t comprehend. And my baby girl is in so much pain right now. And she’s devastated God. She’s worked so hard for so many years at this thing… and she just wanted to make it to Senior Night… in SIX DAYS God…. Her last game game of an incredible 4 year high school career… and she won’t play in it…. I am weeping for the pain my child feels… I am crying quietly because her pain is priority. My heart is broken for her. Yours is supposed to be broken for her too God… but You let this happen to her and she doesn’t deserve it.
I know… I know yours is broken too… I know You see her in there sobbing right now. Comfort her please God. I trust You. I trust You with HER. I know You are in control… just be there for my baby girl. Her faith is growing in You God and this is the type of stuff that shakes young faith. Yeah… You know I pray for her and You know I pray with her every morning. we prayed for her protection THIS MORNING. God I prayed for her protection tonight…. Multiple times tonight. I actually prayed to You specifically to protect her against injury. TONIGHT I prayed it. The last prayer couldn’t have been more than 15 mins before she was on the floor in more pain than she’s ever been in her life.
I could see that she was tired … during the second set. Her face was flush and not just from all the screaming in motivation of her team. I mean, God… YOU SAW HER. She was everywhere in that court God. She had to have had 5/6 Aces in the first game alone. No less than 5/6 hits… probably close to 10 digs. You saw her. She won the first game … and not just figuratively… the first game went into extra time also and she was the one that got the cross court spike that got the ball back. THEN she served TWO back to back ACES for the win. It was the best game she had ever played and probably the best we all had seen from this team in years… but the best was yet to come.
I would have been able to justifiably tell my kid that she’s developed into not just a stellar individual player… but that she has turned the corner into the land of leadership. And listen… she didn’t creep in. She kicked the door down of leadership in the last few weeks. it was JUST a week and a half ago that we worked on her College essay. I remember getting ready to go into working on that essay, I asked You for help there too, God. I could see the frustration building in Hannah. Years in the making. I could see things that I’ve struggled with, in her. I didn’t exactly know how to fully parent around it, either. I mean God… You know that You made her instinctually and naturally gifted at volleyball. You know that she’s the best player on both sides of the ball, week after week. You know it. And You know that everyone isn’t at that level… and You dropped her into the team knowing full well that she was going to be leaps and bounds ahead. As a parent… it’s just annoying to see your kid busting her ass but then they keep losing. Every. Single. Week. I could see the light going out of her eyes for the game. I could hear the frustration and her desire to walk away from something she loved so much… it wasn’t fun for her. She was over it.
Then You…. Smh…. The way You always do… gave me this idea of how to help her write this college essay from the position of that frustration. I ran the idea by Hannah and she was iffy at first. She didn’t wanna offend anyone. But as we worked through this idea, together, we realized that it was going to work. Not only was it going to work…. It was going to refocus her as a leader… not only was it going to refocus her as a leader… it was going to begin to define a new season of leadership that was about to explode out of her.
Hannahs college essay prompt was to write about a time that difficulty was turned into a life lesson. This is her college essay:
I’m quitting volleyball! I'm sick of it, and I can't believe I wasted the last six years of my life on this sport.
By the time I was a senior and captain of the team, I pictured this looking all so different. Volleyball has been the only thing in my life that I felt like I was good at. It had been the only thing people cheered on me for. Now after all these years, I’m quitting.
I played club with Chicago Elite for a year and a half during middle school and then stopped playing until high school. Freshman year was my first time playing on a “real team.” I was on junior varsity my freshman year and then moved to varsity my sophomore year. I didn’t get much playing time, but I felt great when I did play. Junior year I became co-captain. It was my finest year athletically. My school recognized me as “Most Improved,” and I received the All Conference Medal. I was told that I’m, “naturally talented,” and have an, “instinct for the game.” I couldn't wait for the day when I became captain, and by all indicators, I was on my way.
Senior year arrived, and sure enough, I was named captain of the team. I was sure that this would be my most successful year yet, or at least I had hoped. We lost game one, then game two, then games three, four, and five. In game six, I went on a streak that got us within two points of winning the game, and we still lost. As our school's Senior Night approached, we remained winless. Therefore I’ve concluded I’m quitting.
Then, it occurred to me: Maybe this whole thing hasn’t been about winning, or the picture perfect senior year “Captain of the Volleyball Team” title. More importantly, I have learned a lot about what it means to fail, what it means to encourage others, and what it means to truly be a leader.
I've realized that failure, isn’t as devastating as it feels in the moment. It’s an opportunity for me to figure out what I can do better. I got so hung up on my performance that I forgot this was about us, the team that I was leading. It was up to me to improve and maintain a winning mindset.
My dad is a pastor, and I grew up in a very faith-based community. Going to church every Sunday, I learn the importance of building up my community and being there for others. I must admit, however, that I was probably better at encouraging others than I was at encouraging myself. This is something I'm still working on, but I’m trying to achieve a better balance and not be so hard on myself.
You know why I'm not quitting volleyball? I was chosen to be the leader of this team. My coach and my teammates depend on me. What I realized after this rocky start to what I thought was going to be my perfect senior season, is that leadership is not all about being the best, or getting the most accolades. Leadership is about serving the team. Leadership is about sacrificing ego in service of others. Being captain isn’t about being the number one player. Being captain is all about being the number one motivator. Being in charge means that sometimes you have to manage your emotions and leave enough left in the tank to assist others with theirs.
So what am I learning during this winless volleyball season? I must never lose my passion for volleyball. I have to continue to learn what leadership truly is, and demonstrate that day in and day out to my team. Through every injury, every loss, and every win, this has been the journey where I have grown the most.
The struggle has ultimately been the most crucial part of this journey. That’s why I won’t be quitting volleyball, after all.
Update: Since completing this essay, my team has gone on to earn our first victory.
Hannah
Not ONLY did they go on to earn their first victory, the won their second… and tonight… their third. They have won 3 out of 4 of their games since Hannah did this college essay.
And tonight…. After the first set, they lost the second. They were gassed. I could tell. I watched my kid just leaving it all on the court, like I always tell her. They lost the second set by a lot… they easily could have given up and rolled over for the third match … but they didn’t. The game was a slug fest. Back and forth and back and forth. No team really pulled away too far. Next thing we knew… we were in overtime again. I’m calling it overtime because they have to win by 2… so where 25 it the winning score, if both teams have 24, then the winning score is 26. They fought and fought. Hannah was everywhere on that court. Back, middle, front, serving. Honestly I probably have MORE video of her encouraging her teammates than I even have clips of her. And it wasn’t all roses and rainbows either. I was probably the MOST proud when i saw a teammate that she has a good relationship with miss a ball and Hannah, very sternly, looked her in the eyes and said “eyes on the ball… let’s go!”. She knew that the girl gets hard on herself when she makes mistakes too… and a couple plays later, I saw her boosting that same girl up. I saw her over-celebrating the good things that her teammates were doing… The leader that can be firm… have tough convos… yet still be encouraging… look at this kid go.
It became clear that THEY believed… because SHE believed in THEM.
Yeah… she had the most amazing game I’ve ever seen an individual volleyball player have. She did what she normally did to individually contribute above-and-beyond the call of duty…. And tonight…. She brought the whole team up to her level. As much as was physically possible. Everyone still made mistakes but their heads didn’t fall so low when they did, this time. They knew that Hannah the Lioness was WITH them… so they battled all the more.
As they all realized that they had pulled off this impossible victory… they all swarmed Hannah to celebrate but she had been knocked down on that last play. I have the video of how they all ran towards HER… but then they realized that she was hurt really badly… and you just see the circle that had collapsed around Hannah… pull back. Then she looked in horror as her shoulder was out of place. Then they looked to me… to come… because Hannah has been hurt.
I’m upset Lord. I’m sorry I came in hot. But I’m so upset for her God. She deserved that moment… and You let it be taken from her. I don’t understand it. It is devastating. She is devastated…. I am devastated for her.
The next few moments were some of the worst of my life because worst than anything that I have felt in pain or worst than anything I’ve ever gone through, is the complete opposite literati of my heart to hear the screams of my child in pain and there’s nothing I could do. I don’t want to go into detail because I don’t want to remember it but I doubt I’ll ever forget it. But when we finally got her shoulder back into its socket… and after 10/15 minutes of complete agony and screams and tears… we finally got her breathing under control… and she goes “did we win?”
Yes baby. You won. 🥲🥲🥲
Her teammates and coaches all still there… clapped for her. Cried with her. Loved on her. Al I could do was just hold her and fight the tears back. I knew I’d have this time to let it go, God. And I know there will probably be a lot more moments and a lot more tears.
I don’t understand, God… but I trust You. We trust You.
Be with my kid. Her heart is so broken around missing senior night. Comfort her and reveal Yourself to her through this struggle. I know You have done that with me, through my season… I know You will do the same with my baby girl.
She’s about to shower and I need to help her with the ice wrap and the sling when she gets out. I’m done balling, for now. She’s stopped crying, for now.
I don’t expect the next few days to be easy God, but I know You’ll be there with us through it. We have a lot to figure out… a lot that is going to be painful. I have my knee replacement surgery in less than a week and a half…. This is going to be difficult… but we trust You and we know You are walking with us, through it all….
Thanks for not being too pissed at me for being pissed at You. I will try to never cross the line of disrespect towards You Father because You do NOT deserve that. Thank You for being a God that I can be angry with….. You’re so gentle with me when I throw my temper tantrums. I’m sorry. You’re so good to us. I know You answer every prayer… I know. And I know that You know better than us. And I trust You. Even when my heart is tripped out of my chest for my little girl.
Even then.
I trust You. I love You so much. Heal my baby girl Lord.
Amen
He understands our pain. He hears our cries. He understands when we’re pissed at Him.
AND
He is worthy of All praise and Glory.