From sympathy to empathy…
From sympathy to empathy…
So I’m gonna tell you this story because it’s WAY too common in our healthcare system. I’m not interested in your sympathy but I want to evoke your empathy for others that might be navigating this awful system.
I’ve been prescribed an opioid for severe pain management. Unfortunately… it helps. I only say that it’s “unfortunate” because we all know all the scary stuff we see on documentaries and the news about the opioid epidemic. It’s all true. Personally, I’ve been blessed with a pretty particular aversion to medications. I don’t enjoy them. At all. Matter of fact, they make me feel anxious, itchy and uncomfortable in my skin. But it helps the pain. Either way, the stigma, the stress, the hyper caution are all things that I carry around with me anytime I’m dealing with the drug topic. It’s a lot to already wrestle with… PRIOR to this story.
Follow this next part closely.
I didn’t take all of my prescribed meds for the month of February (I only take them when I’m slightly north of 7 out of 10 on the pain scale. Probably 7.5+.) But… this statement should be a “Yay! Good for you for not taking all the opioids they told you to take” statement.
Because I wasn’t low on the script, I didn’t go get more. I thought this was a good thing. Why have more drugs around? To make a special trip for drugs I don’t need… hmmm… feels “addict-y” to me. Right? Or am I trippin?
When I went to fill the script I had up next (they give you hard copies of opioids and can’t call in the medication at all) they told me that the script was expired. I explained… “it’s only expired because I try not to take them unless it’s urgent.” That didn’t matter. They wouldn’t fill the script, call the doctor for a new one.. nothing. I had to.
I sat at the pharmacist for an hour. Trying to get someone to help. Best I could do was leave a voicemail.
The next day, Friday, in physical therapy, I triggered a pain flair with the exercises that I was doing. This isn’t uncommon for me because I normally have to put myself in pain and survive through it… I fight through the pain to make sure that OTHER things don’t get worse. Like, muscle atrophy, extension, strength, etc.
But now… I have nothing to help fight the flair that came along with the painful fight.
The doctors office calls me later that day and tells me that, in order to get my next script filled, I’ll have to go out to the Oak Park office, next Tuesday, and do a piss test. (Yes. For the meds that I’m already supposed to have in my possession). Once the drug screen is complete… I’ll be able to leave with the filled script.
“Ok fine. But if I come out there, I can fill the script there too, right? I don’t live out that way so I need to consolidate as much as I can.”
Yup. You can leave with it. Pharmacy is across the hall.
My pain flair that had started that morning hit me like a wrecking ball.
I was in bed… from Friday around noon… until til Monday night 7:30/8p. Literally unable to sit, stand, walk. I realized this AM when I woke up that’s I’ve been sleeping on TOP of my comforter all weekend because I didn’t have it in me to unmake the bed and get in it. Missing days. Gone. (I did still manage to get Sunday dinner for Hannah done. Crockpot cookin 💅🏽)
Today, Tuesday, I arrived to the doctor… pass the urine screen. Duh. Then they tell me that the insurance approval is still pending. And … again… I have had to leave without pain meds. They don’t know when it’ll be approved. But they’ve sent it to a pharmacy that’s closer to me this time. So the $50 I spent on Ubers there and back… poof. Now I have to wait for approval… then get another Uber over to CVS to pick it up. Let’s pray against a flair up during that time.
Now listen. I’m a bad mofo at this point. This story has happened to me 15 times since I’ve suffered through all this pain stuff. I make pain my bitch pretty much every week… and sometimes the pain breaks me down… I’m not gonna lie about that. But the back and forth around getting help, getting relief, getting support … when you are in the healthcare system (not to mention work comp) is HARD. It’ll have you questioning YOUR sanity.
But worse if all… It’s normal. And THAT is the part I want you to remember when dealing with friends/family in pain or with some health stuff going on. Matter of fact, before I could even begin to ask you to move toward empathy for someone else, I think it’s so important that you have gratitude for your own condition. Yo… be so so happy that you, personally don’t have to deal with chronic acute pain. Be grateful in your soul that you don’t ever have to be worried about getting addicted to opioids. Be grateful for every movement that’s free from restriction and pain. As a person who has been pushed to the brink of what I thought my pain tolerance is… I just just want you to be happy for your health. Cherish it. Do not take it for granted. Celebrate it. Be truly thankful. Maybe that’ll make it a little easier to be compassionate about what someone else might be going through.
And be kind to people y’all. Please, be kind. This is just one of millions of examples of things that can be goin on behind the scenes for people.
Like I said. I don’t want your sympathy for me. I want your empathy for others but as I kinda stumbled across in this piece, the first step toward your empathy might actually be genuine gratitude for your position in life. Be thankful. Then lean in and listen to others.
That’s all I got for today.
Y’all have a blessed one.
I’ll be posting more. I had a rough few months but I’ve put some practices and disciplines in place that should help me get back to the rhythm of writing.
I’ve been privately journaling daily for nearly 20 days… I’m proud of that and it’s freeing up some of the the mind clutter and allowing me to release more onto the page. So that’s a blessing. For sure.